Real World Thoughts

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Welcome to my blog!!!

This is the post excerpt.

This is just a little welcome post to thank you for stopping by and reading my work. I hope you take something away from what I have to say, and that it helps you or someone you care about improve their lives.

You’ll get to know me over the coming months as all my post’s come from things I have learned from my own mistakes but if you have any questions you’d like me to answer or dilemma’s you’d like an objective outsider’s opinion on, please get in contact with me on any of the social media platforms.

Be Awesome,

Alex

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“He said what?!” How to care less about other’s behavior.

Letting other peoples behavior affect how you feel, is a difficult habit to break. Particularly if that behavior is hurts you in someway. Whether the emotions brought up are of rejection, loss, inadequacy, embarrassment, insecurity or inferiority.

Often this pain is compounded by the idenrity person doing it too. If aomeone you dislike, or someone who has made it xlear they dislike you, or even a ramdpm person on the street is unkind or disrespectful or inconsiderate of you, that’s one thing. But if it is someone you care that is doing that, a loved one, a friend, a family member, a person you love or respect in some way, that’s the really hard stufd.

You are likely to react very negatively in the moment because their behavior seems to indicate a lack of care, a lack of empathy or a lack of consideration to your feelings on their behalf. That’s to be expected. The ideas you have about that person, your relationship with them and even your self worth can be shaken in a heartbeat. This is someone you care about, someone you respect, someone you likely believe doesn’t want you to feel pain. Yet they do this? Of course your head is in a spin.

I know how hard it is not to respond in kind, to snap or lash out. It’s one of the emotional roadblocks I’m working on myself on my journey. So here’s a few things that I find really helpful when these things happen to me.

1. Breathe. I lnow, its cliche but it’s true when those unconstructibe emotions arise, take a breathe count your heart beat for 10 to 15 seconds, breathingbdeeply and do you best to calm down.

2. DEFINATELY don’t engage right now. You will only say things that you will later regret, becoming the hurtful, unkind person that put you into your current emotional state. If possible, walk away from the situaltion for a few minutes and let go of of the pressure

3. Remember they are going through shit too. Empathy is the most important tool in your EQ toolbelt. They may well be lashing out because they are unhappy in their own life, you may just be a convinient target. That doesn’t male it ok, but understanding this can take some of the sting out.

4. LET IT GO! Stop making people’s bad behavior aboit you. It says a whole lot more about who they are right now amd where on their journey they are up to than it does about you.

This trait, this habit of allowing other peoples words affect you, is one of the most (if not the most) important habits to break. If you want long term happiness that is.

I’ll be honest, this is one that I’m still working on myself. I have times when particular people I care about don’t employ empathy amd care when they speak to me. It is so easy to give in to the hurt, the anger and the disappointment of that moment. The thing I am finding is, the more I practice the techniques above, the less other people affect my happiness or inner peace. That meams I’m happier more of the time. I’m not tied to what people do, to feel like I have worth. I am becoing more emotionally free the less I let others affect me.

That is what makes wprking on it constantly, worth it.

As always,

Get Up, Get Out There, Get Awesome,

And don’t let other people steal your happiness.

The Real World.

Welcome to this week’s blog post! Today I’m going to talk to you about something that means a lot to me. That is your responcibility to do what needs to be done.

A lot of the time I talk about the more philosophical side of personal development. So for a change, we are going to talk about the more practical side. I get that if you are not happy in your job, getting up and walking out is exactly what you want to do. But something you can’t do that. Various reasons could be at play, bills you’ve gotta pay, maybe you’ve got a family obligation or child support. Maybe you’re supporting a sick family member, or paying off debts. Basically, there are things that are forcing you to stay in a job that you’re not happy in. Then you hear me talking about building your dreams and you might be like “but I have bills to pay”. Despite the fact you know would be significantly happier being in a different industry, working for yourself, studying to do something you’ve always wanted to do. But you feel you can’t.

Here are my thoughts on that.

I get it! I absolutely understand that in the real world, you can’t leave tomorrow. This is where hard work and you positive mindset comes in to play. I am a huge huge fan of actually putting the work in. It’s great for self esteem; when you get to the end point you can go “yeah, I really worked my ass off to make this happen and I’m proud of myself.” Don’t get put off by the idea of having to work hard to make your dreams come true.

Owning your own business, changing careers, building yoir dreams, that’s all hard stuff! You’ll have to get ready to be out of your comfort zone because it forces you to. When your priorities are right and youe dreams a huge, it’s just the way it is.

Let me give you an example from my life.

At the moment I am building a business coaching business, writing a book, creating a podcast and posting outrageous amounts on all my social media pages. All so you guys get some value from me. Maybe one or two of may want to engage my services becaise of something i do here. If not that’s cool. Keep reading this Blog, keep checking out the podcasts, and liking the insta posts, so long as your getting something from it I’m happy. But at this stage in my business I can’t afford to leave my job in hospitality. Simple as that. I have to keep working because I live in the real world too. I have rent to pay, I have children, I have pets, I have debts; all that real world stuff. And yes, sometimes I get frustrated by the fact that I can’t be working with people one on one, or in groups and improving peoples lives full time but right now I can’t. It’s just the fact of the matter. What’s the point in complaining about it, that’s not going to change anything.

So instead, I work my ass off. Right now I’m writing this at a country pub in North Eastern Victoria because I was doing a favour for a mate. I drove him the 3 and a half hours to some work he had picked up for the weekend. For a modest fee of course. Talking to the boss, I found out that he was short staffed in his Bistro for the night so I offered my services. After i finish here I’ll drive back because tomorrow in my home town of Geelong working behind the coffee machine for another cafe that was short staffed for tomorrow and then come Monday morning I’ll be working on my business. In fact, right now waiting to start work I’m working on my business. I get home from work, I work on my business. Before I go to work, I work on my business. Every spare minute I’ve got, I work on building my business. I’m building my dreams, my future, doing what needs to be done in the real world now so I can do what I want to do later.

That’s really the takeaway I’d like you to get from this. That dreams are hugely important and I’ll always be on you to chase yours. But equally important is taking care of what needs to be taken care of on the daily in the real world.

You’re just not going to succeed at building a future you want if your life falls apart before you get there. If you get evicted from your house and you go hungry and that’s what you’re prepared to do to make it thats cool; but if you need your “day job”, if you have real world responsibilities, you need to be aware you’re going to have to work your ass off. Make your noney to cover costs then spend every spare minute you can making your goals happen. Maybe you’ve got to eat dirt for the next 5 years but it will be worth it. Play the long game, your patience will be rewarded.

Now Get Up, Get Out The and Get Awesome

I know you can do it cause if I can, anyone can.

Who are you?

I got asked this question the other day “So who are you? What do you do?”. The funny thing is that I ask this question so often of other people, it had been a while since I had asked myself.

I’ve been so focused on trying to get anyone to hear me, I began to forget what I was trying to say. So much so, that i felt as though I may not be helping anyone.

Its time to refocus. Time to go deep and speak my truth again. That way I can help make real change in people’s lives.

Here’s what I came up with;

I ask hard questions. When it all boils down to it, that’s what I do. I deploy simple questions that force you to go deep into yourself to answer. I also won’t take shallow, surface responses. I push till we get to what’s real. That way what we find out together is what’s actually holding you back from living your dream. Not the bullshit stories you tell yourself, you friends and family, but the real stuff. The real reasons you haven’t followed the path you always wanted to.

I do this because I know how those stories work. I know because I was the guy going nowhere, blaming others for my lack of movement. For the longest time I was full of those stories, the nightmare tales we tell about our lives, never actually taking responsibility to change it. I blamed everyone/everything around me for my lack of success. Not in a critical way though, a more subtle but ultimately as destructive way. I told myself that “This was just the way it was”, that I “just had to keep going and things would get better.” But they didn’t. You know why? Because I didn’t do a damn thing to change any part of my life. No wonder nothing changed.

It took a few major incidents caused by external forces for me to realise that I need to take control of my life. It may not have been my fault some of those things happened, but it sure as hell was my responcibilty to learn and grow from it.

This I why I am here today. It’s the why behind everything I do. It’s why I write blog pieces, create and curate content on Instagram and Facebook, why I’ve started shooting videos and have begun putting together a podcast.

I am on a mission, a crusade to help as many people realise that it is up to them to create the life they want. I need to show people that they are not at the whims of fate but that fate is mearly the result of the lessons you learn and how you take that knowledge moving forward. I don’t want anyone to have to learn the these lessons the hard way. Life is going to challange is all enough, why make it harder on ourselves?

That is who I am.

I’m the guy who is going to call you on your stories of why you can’t and show you why you should.

So, in conclusion, I have one final question for you, dear reader; who are you?

As always,

Get Up, Get Out There and Get Awesome!

And stop lying to yourself, your life is down to your choices, no one elses.

Why a “Setback” is not the end of the world.

Setbacks. They happen to everyone, from CEOs and company directors, to cleaners, waiters, teachers, students, lovers amd fighters. There is now escaping the little (or enormous) potholes on the road of life.

Knowing this, doesn’t it seem stramge that some people’s “potholes” send them careening into the trees? Meanwhile others simply take the bump and keep driving down the road, seemingly barely noticing anything untoward happened at all?

The answer, as always, is in their mindset.

Keeping with the road metaphor, the difference between the 2 drivers is how they reacted to the pothole.

Driver 1, when confronted with the pothole, seemingly lost all ability to adjust their driving and keep going. They over corrected, slamming the steering wheel from left to right amd back again. Hitting the brakes suddenly, swerving this way amd that; ultimately losing all control of their car and ending up in a ditch that is very difficult to get out of.

Driver 2, on the other hand, hit the same pothole, but didn’t end up in the ditch like Driver 1. Why? Because instead of over reacting to the bump in the road, they kept their eye on the road ahead, made slight adjusts, kept their momentum and continued on their journey as planned. They didn’t let a small hiccup derail their plans, they made the small chamges in their driving needed but were considered and gental about it, rather than making rash over reactions. That’s what kept them on the road.

Now when it comes to setbacks in our own lives, whether that be in business, health or relationships, it is very easy to jump to snap decisions, rash responces and overreactions that don’t serve us. It’s understandable. If we are emotionally invested in the outcome, when something pops up that seemingly threatens that, we will instinctively try to protect it however we can.

But more often than not, those “hot take” reactions are not the most helpful and are more driven by fear than by wisdom. If you endeavor to be more like Driver 2, making the small adjustments needed in the moment and remaining focused on the road head rather than the momentary issue, you will find that so called “setbacks” can actually be sign posts of what needs to be improved (like the tarmac on the road) and not nessesarily the instigator that leads you to going completely off you path.

It takes practice but the more focused on your goal you are, and the more you believe in your ability to get there, the easier it will become to navigate the little potholes and bumps in the road we call life.

Good luck out there and don’t let rash decisions derail your progress.

As always

Get Up, Get Out There and Get Awesome

And take a breathe when you hit a setback, you’ll learn something out of it.

Don’t take anything for granted!

Hi there, beautiful people!

Today I’d like to talk to you about complacency. About a human trait that leads some to take for granted what they have and rather than working to build on that, rest on their laurels.

What I mean by that is the tendency a lot of us have to slow down our efforts once we have reached what we think is our goal. We start to lose appreciation for what, at one point, was the be all and end all of our dreams. We start taking things for granted, as if they will always be there. But life doesn’t operate that way, the universe responds to work, to movement. As in nature, if you are not growing something, it is slowly dieing.

This manifests in a number of ways and given that I’ve done this more times than I care to admit, I’d like to share 3 examples from my own life and some ways you can tackle your own complacency before it causes you to lose the things you hold most dear.

1. Business

A few years ago, I was working as a personal fitness trainer. I had worked my arse off to get qualified, got myself a position at a “Big Box Gym”, gone through endless hours of calls, free training sessions and rejection to build up my client base and was doing quite well for myself. So much so that i decided to leave the gym to start my own workout space, away from the politics and sales of corperate gyms. I had 80% of my client base come with me and life seemed good. I chose my own operating hours, i was my own boss, everything was coming up Milhouse.

That’s where things started to go wrong. I was so impressed with myself, too busy pretending to be a big shot, that I started to take for granted that my business and clients would always be there. As a result, I stopped working so hard on bringing in new clients, looking for leads or devoping new programs for my existing clients. I wasn’t just not working as hard on my business, I wasn’t even working hard in my business.

Now you can guess where this is going, can’t you? I had clients fall away, as is the nature of the industry, and because of my complacency, i did not have new clients or income streams to cover the finacial losses. As a result, I lost everything. My house, my gym, some close friends and ended up having to move back in with my mother a month before my 30th birthday. All because I stopped pushing.

Had i been actually working on business, not just playing at it, I would have been prepared for the ups and downs of small business ownership. I would have had new clients starting to balance out the ones leaving, and my client retention would have improved as well. But i took it for granted and payed the price.

2. Health

Taking care of our bodies is often something people take for granted. So long as our bodies don’t do anything unexpected or untoward, we tend to just assume we’ll be fine. That is until we try on those suit pants that have always fitted us and now won’t button up. Or we go to run for the bus and realise by the time we get to the bus stop that we are far less fit than we once were.

In my life it was as simple as a few missed gym sessions became a few missed weeks became a few missed months and suddenly for the first time in my life I was over 90kg (had sat around 75kg since I was 17 years old) and none of my clothes were fitting right. My big “bum around the house” clothes weren’t so oversized anymore and the skinny but relatively defined physique I had prided myself on, was hidden by an ever expanding “dad bod”.

It was simply a matter of me not remaining aware that I needed to stay consistent in my eating and training and not take for granted that I’d always remain the slim man I had always been, it was going to take work.

Can you see a pattern developing yet?

3 Relationships

This is the one that most people fall onto the trap of and unfortunately , unlike business and health, this will be affecting not just yourself, but at least one other person as well. It’s taken me far to long to get this and while I, like everyone, am a work on progress, I’m determined this time the lesson is going to stick.

When we start off in a romantic relationship, we pull out all the stops, don’t we? We pay attention to the object of our affection, spoil them, listen to them, support them and basically do anything and everyrhing we can to have them become a long term part of our lives.

But as time goes on, we start getting lazy. Date nights go from weekly or fortnightly to once every couple of months, if ever. Quiet intimate time, cuddling and talking about hopes and dreams for the future gives way to sitting silently, staring at phones and occasionally showing each other memes. Sex becomes rare and when it does happen, it’s often perfunctory and lacking the passion and openness it once did.

We like to tell ourselves we’re “too tired”, “too busy”, “life just gets un the way”, or a thousand other reasons why our efforts wane. The truth of the matter is this though, you weren’t too busy, you just stopped making your relationship a priority. You put sleep, Facebook, fantasy football or drinks with your friends ahead of making sure your other half felt loved, supported and valued. You took her/him for granted, foolishly believing that you would always have them there when you needed them.

Sorry to burst your bubble, that’s not how it works. When people don’t feel valued, they will give you some time to right yourself, then if nothing changes, they will start to distance themselves from you. Once it gets to that stage, it’s likely already too late to come back.

So in essence, life is so short, so fragile and fleeting, if you want something in your life, don’t just work your backside off to get it, work your backside off to keep it. If you don’t you will lose it and you will regret it.

As always my friends

Get Up, Get Out There, and Get Awesome,

And stop taking the good things for granted.

Don’t wait

Its been pretty hard to write this one but I can’t put it off any longer. Today i want to talk about my friend. I don’t know if I’ll have any advice on how to deal or if this will be anything more use than a sort of eulogy for her, bit a writer has to write. So here goes.

Last week myself and a lot of my friends lost someone very dear to us. I’m not going to go into specifics because one, that’s the family’s business and too we still don’t know exactly what happened.

This is what i do know though; while we hadn’t hung out that much over the last year or so, it was always great to see her every time our paths crossed. She lit up the room with her laugh, her smile and the care she showed to everyone she knew. She was the life of the party, darting from one room to the other, pinching friends selfy sticks amd making videos with strangers, she was unpredictable amd alive! Always there for her mates, even when things got toigh for her. She never wanted anyone to worry about her problems, she just wanted to help with yours. She wasn’t perfect by any means but she was trying. She’d gotten sober, was looking well and seemed like she had not only made her way out of hell, she had grown from the experience.

My best friend and I actually saw her the night she passed. She was doing so well, happy and looking the healthiest I’d seen her in a long time. We both told her how much we were impressed with her journey and how proud we were of her. I’ll forever be glad of that opportunity, because though we didn’t know it at the time, our last chance to talk wasn’t complaining about jobs or the weather. It was a genuine, loving conversation between old friends. An opportunity to remind each other that we meant something in our respective lives and though we didn’t see each other as much any more, the bond was still there. It’s a bitter sweet memory but still it will be treasured.

I suppose the big thing to take away from this is you never know what may come tomorrow. You may be getting ready for work, scrolling through social media like normal, and wham! You find out you’ve lost someone. Or you may go to bed angry with your partner, and they don’t wake up the next day.

I know I’m sounding morbid but my point is this. Life is short. Shorter than anyone realises. Don’t wait for tomorrow to say sorry or I love you. Don’t put off reminding your lover they are cared for and important. Don’t regret not saying something when you had the chance. And you always have the chance, the only thing stopping you is your own excuses. These are just fear based reasoning with false ideas of potential outcomes. Tell them. Your partner, your friends, your family. Make sure they know how much they are loved amd appreciated. Because you never know when your last goodbye will be.

As always

Get Up, Get Out There and Get Awesome.

And go spread the love while you can.

Give it time…

Hi there Awesome people!

Today I’d like to talk to you about plans.

Too often I see people, of varying ages, get frustrated with themselves because they’re not where they want to be in their life yet. They don’t have the job they want, the relationship they want, the house they want, the car, the friends, the money, the success. And it’s driving them crazy.

They’re still working towards these goals but they have a plan in their head about when they’re going to get there, and when it doesn’t happen exactly as to plan, they beat themselves up about it.

I know a young woman, lets call her Debbie, and she had one of those life goals list in her head. Finish Uni by this age, be engaged amd married by this age, have kids at this point in her career, the whole thing planned out. You know what happened? Yep, life didn’t go to plan. A whole lot of stuff completely out of her control happened to her and around her and suddenly all her plans, goals and dreams were thrown into question. So you can imagine the way she felt. She felt as we all would. Full of anxiety and depression, questioning her self and the things around her, completely lost and confused. All because the plans she’d made for her life weren’t happening in the way she’d planned, and as a result she felt a failure.

Now this is not a critisism of Debbie, she is a smart, beautiful and lovely woman, capable of anything she puts her mind to but she did fall into a trap that so many of us do. We make these plans for the future, how we want our lives to play out, and thats good, you should have goals to work towards, but she had so much of her identity tied to those plans that when they went off the rails she was completely thrown by it.

When we make plans for our lives, we all need to remember to build in some flexiblity to them. We need to take into account that we don’t nessesarily lnow whats going to happen tomorrow or the next day or next month or next year. So because we are not perfect, and life isn’t perfect as a result our plans won’t end up happening perfectly either.

How do we solve this issue? Well first of all, give yourself a break. You don’t have to know what to do all the time. You don’t have to know exactly what you want to do with the rest of your life. Take your time, figure it out, don’t rush it. Try new things, expose yourself to new possibilities, you never know what you might find.

Secondly, as I said, build some flexibility into you plans. Nothing, I repeat, nothing is going to go exactly as you plan it. Flexibility means that when things do go sideways you don’t have to reassess everything.

Thirdly, accept that the journey you are on is going to have hurdles, road blicks and obstacles, and occasionally, you are foing to have to tale a difderent path to where you want to go. That’s ok. All it means is that you have new opportunities for learning and growth. Take what you’ve learned so far and apply it to the next oart of the story of your life.

I’m in my early 30s and I’ve only I the last couple of years worked out that stufd, and I’d been searching for years. I’ve had to reassess, amd refocus so many times I’ve lost count, but each time, i try to learn more from that experience. So I can be better prepared for the next part of the journey.

You may be younger and know what your going to do, you maybe older and still searching. Either way that’s ok. We are all working at our lives at our own pace. So don’t judge yourself for not knowing what to do next, or by what your parents or siblings had done by your age. Don’t judge yourself by what your friends have or haven’t achieved, or by what some guy on the internet is doing. This is your life, just stop, take a breathe and allow yourself to live it. Have patience, it will all become clear in time.

As always my friends

Get up, Get out there and Get awesome!

And give yoursef a break, deserve it.

Alex