Letting other peoples behavior affect how you feel, is a difficult habit to break. Particularly if that behavior is hurts you in someway. Whether the emotions brought up are of rejection, loss, inadequacy, embarrassment, insecurity or inferiority.
Often this pain is compounded by the idenrity person doing it too. If aomeone you dislike, or someone who has made it xlear they dislike you, or even a ramdpm person on the street is unkind or disrespectful or inconsiderate of you, that’s one thing. But if it is someone you care that is doing that, a loved one, a friend, a family member, a person you love or respect in some way, that’s the really hard stufd.
You are likely to react very negatively in the moment because their behavior seems to indicate a lack of care, a lack of empathy or a lack of consideration to your feelings on their behalf. That’s to be expected. The ideas you have about that person, your relationship with them and even your self worth can be shaken in a heartbeat. This is someone you care about, someone you respect, someone you likely believe doesn’t want you to feel pain. Yet they do this? Of course your head is in a spin.
I know how hard it is not to respond in kind, to snap or lash out. It’s one of the emotional roadblocks I’m working on myself on my journey. So here’s a few things that I find really helpful when these things happen to me.
1. Breathe. I lnow, its cliche but it’s true when those unconstructibe emotions arise, take a breathe count your heart beat for 10 to 15 seconds, breathingbdeeply and do you best to calm down.
2. DEFINATELY don’t engage right now. You will only say things that you will later regret, becoming the hurtful, unkind person that put you into your current emotional state. If possible, walk away from the situaltion for a few minutes and let go of of the pressure
3. Remember they are going through shit too. Empathy is the most important tool in your EQ toolbelt. They may well be lashing out because they are unhappy in their own life, you may just be a convinient target. That doesn’t male it ok, but understanding this can take some of the sting out.
4. LET IT GO! Stop making people’s bad behavior aboit you. It says a whole lot more about who they are right now amd where on their journey they are up to than it does about you.
This trait, this habit of allowing other peoples words affect you, is one of the most (if not the most) important habits to break. If you want long term happiness that is.
I’ll be honest, this is one that I’m still working on myself. I have times when particular people I care about don’t employ empathy amd care when they speak to me. It is so easy to give in to the hurt, the anger and the disappointment of that moment. The thing I am finding is, the more I practice the techniques above, the less other people affect my happiness or inner peace. That meams I’m happier more of the time. I’m not tied to what people do, to feel like I have worth. I am becoing more emotionally free the less I let others affect me.
That is what makes wprking on it constantly, worth it.
Get Up, Get Out There, Get Awesome,
And don’t let other people steal your happiness.