Yes I’m back with a brand new blog post to get you thinking and free up some space in my overcrowded head.
Today i want to talk to you about fear. We’re all scared of something, aren’t we? But when we talk about our fears with others we tend to stick to the easy ones. We say “Oh yeah, I’m terrified of spiders” or “Spiders I can deal with, but little yappy dogs? No thanks!” These are socially acceptable fears, ones that we all can see or empathise with. Even some of our most famous movie heros have fears like these; Indiana Jones hates snakes and Captain Kirk was scared of not getting to sleep with every alien woman he met.
These are shallow, surface level fears. Sure they can pop up in dreams or freak you out when you’re walking home at night, but they’re not the fears that will keep you up until 4am, thinking and rethinking. Today I want to go deep with you guys. Lets talk about those deep seated fears, the existential terrors that hide deep below the surface. So deep, in fact, that sometimes we are to afraid ro admit them to ourselves, let alone anyone else.
In the interest of openness, I’ll share some of them with you. Then I’ll tell you how I have combatted these amd turned them from debilitating fears into opportunities to grow amd learn about myself. Because fears can be, if you let them, sign posts to you about what really matters to you. Knowing that then gives you the opportunity to make different choices in regards to the situations that bring about those fears. I’m not saying you’ll be able to tackle these things right away. You, as I do, will likely still let fear take over on occasion and affect your decisions. But knowing why you’re scared, can give you the impetus to push past that fear and fight for what you really want in this life.
So here goes. My fears and how I use the knowledge that brings me, to my benefit.
1. I’m afraid that my children will not be proud of me as a father.
This is because their mother amd I are divorced and I don’t get to see them as often as I wish I could. What I do with that is, instead of wallowing or complaining, I make the most of the time I do have with them and work as hard as I can to make them proud.
2. I’m afaid that the damage I have done at the start of my relationship will prevent it from being the relationship I have for the rest of my life.
I’m not going into it here, read my blog on infidelity for more, but it’s enough to say that for the first 7 months of my relationship, I put my love through hell. She stood by me, took care of me when my mental health was at its worst amd even took me back despite multiple betrayls of trust. I use this fear to remind and reinforce to me exactly how much I value her, love her amd respect her. She has been through more than most amd she’s still fighting through. It encourages me to work my backside off to prove I’m worth the risk she has taken and that I have grown into someone she deserves.
3. I am afraid that perhaps some people don’t value or appreciate me the way I think they do.
This also stems from my poor behavior in the past, but it also tells me that I really do value my friendships and that I want to be the friend they deserve too.
Now there are 3 of my deepest fears. And if you look at them in totallity it also shows there is a pattern there. My fear of not being good or worthy enough for the people I love most, my partner, my family and my friends. I then use that knowledge to propel me forward, to continue to grow amd learn. To be more understanding of peoples needs and get my ego out of the way.
All of this becomes a learning experience abour ourselves and our values, if we allow it to be. If you can look past the fear guarding it, you will find the deepest treasures of your heart, and how much they are worth to you.
Get Up Get out there, amd Get Awesome!
And face your Fears, you’ll learn something.